KNOCKTOBER

The last week of September is shaping up to be a monumental let down, in fact close to a terminal let down. It started on Monday morning when I found myself face to face with a blacked out Golf on my side of the road on a blind corner. No surprises this all took place on the ‘end to enders’ favourite route the A9 around Dunkeld. I have never been so grateful for driving a decent car and also for fitting new tyres on Friday. Instinct kicked in and somehow I watched the Golf squeeze between me and the truck it was overtaking, while I made jiggy with the hard shoulder and verge. I was shocked at how rapid the whole thing had happened and passed and also the sense of calm that filled me afterwards.

October isn’t shaping much better, though I’ve had my fill of near things on the road.  A fairly big oversight by me means the month has been halved as I will be attending two bike shows. No harm in that but I immediately lose two cross races and then leaves only two free weekends to fulfil my normal life and family, let alone it’s two weeks where riding bikes will be out of the question, damn. That’s a bad start to a season that I am already unprepared for! So what can I salvage?

What indeed, my riding has not been going to plan, though I have been enjoying it when I get onto it and I feel reasonably good most of the time, it’s just not regular enough. I will now stop whining about it and do my darndest to ride more often.

Its not all doom and gloom though, been messing around with my diet, cutting back on things that I feel might be slowing me down, mentally, physically and biologically. So I’ve hacked the living daylights out of my bread, meat and alcohol intake and in a short space of time have lost close to a stone and a half without upping the exercise regime. Its interesting how easy it was, hopefully it isn’t all muscle mass? It’s not been without it’s ‘issues’ though, my moods have been like a pendulum and my sleep has been erratic to say the least but it seems to be levelling out and I am feeling clearer in my head and my body seems to be functioning close to normal, all good. The important thing is, I haven’t actually given anything up, I’m not living like a monk. I had to get measured up at work as I am used as a size model and I have lost 5cm off my chest and 4 off my waist? That sounds like a lot to me considering I haven’t changed my lifestyle. I should be writing a book about this, are diet books still big money makers?

Velo Club Moulin is still banging away at the races and I feel so lucky to know such a great bunch of folks. I need to get my finger out and up the gearing and take it to the next level. Still plenty of ideas in the tank for taking it into the future, just need to get them out the idea tank. The good thing is it still feels very fresh, keep banging the drum.

So that’s kinda where I am at, so why the hell do I feel so disillusioned?

I could eat more and get fat?

I could drink more and get a problem?

I could ride more and probably not enjoy it.

It feels like something is missing, I can’t put my finger on it but I suspect age is a factor. I seem to get increasingly angry at the world, at the speed of everything, at the ugliness of the world. Scotland is not a good country to have these feelings, everywhere I look there is a fat fucker pushing a buggy with a fag in one hand a case of Tennents Lager in the parcel tray. It’s an ugly desperate place.

On a plus I have discovered Flat Soya White, my new favourite coffee style.

I discovered I can’t time trial.

I discovered I am happy.

I discovered I am sad.

I already knew I am lucky.